My Name is a JoJo Reference

shittywebcomics:

Five guys, burger and fries

The game is a succession of web pages back from 1995, good old web 1.0 style.

Also
> Click on random uninspired hypertext link
> Wall of text about some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ “I don’t care anymore”
> ♥♥♥♥ty GIFs all over the place
> Autoplay music on web page
> Some bunch of options which are either greyed out “Kiss some puppies and make the world a better place” or actual links “Stay in bed just a bit longer until I send you another wall of text”
> “Accurate depression simulator”

(clearly a 4chan poster, but I’ll take it)

As someone who has had relatives who have suffered from depression, and even gone through depression myself, this story offends me. The “game” tells me that I’m going through depression, yet it tells me that I have a significant other, a social circle, a job, etc. This is a stupid story made by someone who never suffered from depression.

eggzactly.

women really don’t know what true depression is. every fucking little thing that they don’t like in their life gets lumped in as “reasons why I’m depressed.” their favorite tv show just ended, “I’m depressed” doctor who is still a white male “I’m depressed” they wolf down comfort food compulsively “I’m depressed.” fuckin twats.

The writing in this program is at a level of articulation and description that I would expect from a middle school student. Personally, I was disapointed in the level of writing most of all, with this program being a text-based program.

oof.

It did it’s job it made me depressed about my life and what I’ve come to playing this stupid game.

full body contact.

ZOE SUCKED MY ♥♥♥♥ FROM THE BACK. 11/10. WOULD PLAY AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN.

:D

If you suffer from or have ever suffered from depression STAY AWAY from this. Go load up a game in your library that you get enjoyment out of, and just like anyone who tells you to “man up” or “get over it” DELETE them from your life or in this case library, and get help! Depression is not your fault!

I especially like the point about getting rid of people who tell you to “man up.” typically, women do that when they see a weak male who is in need. wow, women are so good at empathy.

The best hooker-made game I’ve ever played.

haha skanks for the memories.

I know this is free and all, but does that mean crashing it twice in the time I have played this make it even worth reading all of this text? It is a text adveture for crying out loud. Also, music, way too loud.

On a side note to the depression at hand. I see how a person can get this depressed. I don’t, I am depressed often, but that comes and goes. I don’t see a shrink, I don’t take meds. I don’t normally think about kiling myself. You just have to find your inner child, that for me is in gaming.

The case of this non-fictional character is an extreme case. And in case of extreme, go get help. I would.

EDIT: Since review only shows played in hours: I have played this game for 23 minutes, or 2 times game crashing on me.

ugh, inner child.

still, good point about the game crashing.

Absolutely brilliant, my ownly gripe is that since playing the game I have developed the oddest craving for 5 Guys Burger and Fries. Just the thought of those fries, so moist, so salty, and so warm, is enough to send me into vertigo. Whenever I think of own of those gorgeous burger, my mouth starts to salivate like a rabid dog. A suggestion, and I apoligize if I sound like a mad man, but try putting some of the fries into the burger. You’d be suprised how many fries can fit in between those buns.

muhuhahahaha

My depression is soley linked to this “thing” being considered a game.

aw sheeit.

Right when you start the game you know you’re in for something terrible just from the first sentence that reeks of SJWs. “You are a twenty something human being”

NO! REALLY!? I THOUGHT I WAS A FREAKING CHIPMUNK! PLEASE, TELL ME MORE. DO I BREATHE AND LIVE TOO!? 

Then the sudden realization hits you like a truck. Remember when I said wall of text? That’s the “gameplay.” Read some text, click on a hyperlink. Rinse and repeat. It wouldn’t be that bad if the story was interesting but it’s not. You are Mr. Perfect. You have a job, girlfriend, awesome friends, but you are somehow depressed, game never really goes into detail why. Maybe you got touched by a rodeo clown or something, I don’t know. I would care about what he was going through if there was an emotional connection but there’s not.

hahahahahahahaha a depressed chipmunk.

but yea, get a load of the attempt to “understand depression” by a fucking white woman who sucks and fucks for positive reviews of a fucking FREE TO PLAY steam greenlight game.

five guys and fries

some of these reviews I am clipping quotes out of. not that one, it’s the entire review.